First off I want to say… I am NOT an excellent wife. This is an area I am majorly struggling with, but that God is changing in me. I am on a journey, and am inviting you to go along with me as we discover just who that woman is in Proverbs 31, and how we could possibly even dream to be like her. I want this to be open to discussion but please be kind in your words, just because you don’t agree with something said, doesn’t mean you have to be mean.
Some of us may wonder… Why should I? Why should I be the one to put forth the effort, to take the time, to even bother? Isn’t HE the head of this family? Shouldn’t HE be the one that put’s us back on the right track?
I was there… spending day after day, watching Hubs just sit on the couch and watch tv when he was home, never wanting to go anywhere, do anything. And if we did do something, he was in a rush to get home. I believed that he just didn’t want to do it with ME!! I hit a depression… So did he… He took his into alcoholism.. I took mine into total denial, grabbed a book or got online and shut down emotionally. They were both just as bad… just as wrong. This has gone on for years! I was so tired of it, friends and church family and family were telling me to just end it. I was at times tempted. Most people thought we had a great marriage, we didn’t argue, said nice things to each other, were faithful to each other… but we were both emotionally unavailable to each other. No biblical reason for divorce, yet I was being counseled to leave him. But OH I’m so glad that I didn’t. Because one day, we got a phone call from the Oprah Winfrey show… and after a whirlwind trip to Chicago and back, on the way home, our friend was playing some music, and I can’t even remember the words to the song or who was singing it… but the point is something I will remember the rest of my life! That I was praying for the wrong thing… I spent every day praying that Hubs would STOP, instead of praying that God would use it! God has a purpose for everything that He allows to happen, and that purpose is for our good, IF we believe in Jesus and that He IS God’s son. Our friend, who I had talked to several times on the trip about what was going on, had several small conversations with Hubs during the trip, and he came home a different person. We both did, because seeds had been planted.
I realized that I had allowed my anger to freeze my relationship with God. I spent most days in sweats and a tee shirt, because I thought, Hubs doesn’t care anymore… why should I?. Little did I know… he was thinking the same thing… about me! I WAS TEARING DOWN MY OWN HOUSE, without clue about what I was doing!! I had stopped reading my Bible, stopped praying because, well, God wasn’t answering. And why should I when hubs wasn’t? I just wasn’t listening. I know that now… and deep down, I probably knew it then. But it was easier to blame everyone else for everything else. Even after all that though, it never really hit me that I needed to take a step… I thought that was it.. we were done.. lesson learned. And then… then I got that book in the mail.. that one whose first chapter I haven’t even made it through yet! That one that’s hitting me like a 2×4. The one that’s showing me I’M NOT BEING WHO GOD MADE ME TO BE.
God made me to be a worshiper, from the womb He destined me to fill that role. The minute I accepted Him into my heart a age 7, I was destined to spend my like filling that role.
God made me to be a wife… before he made me to be a mother… the minute I said I do, I was destined to spend the rest of my life in that role. That role that I am made to fill. And so I started searching for how to be that worshiper I was meant to be, so I could be the wife I was meant to, so I could be the mother I was meant to be.
We have pretty much stopped going to church. It just all started to seem so superficial… it wasn’t helping us… the Calvary Chapels just seemed bleak. That is what I grew up in.. I haven’t known anything else… but I’m starting to realize that its all just milk and honey… there is NO meat. When you see church leaders whose marriages are falling apart, pastors having affairs, getting counseled to leave your husband when you don’t have a biblical reason, and more… you tend to get disoriented! This is happening more then I can believe around us today. Pastors I grew up listening to and admiring, leaving their wives. Wives cheating on their husbands…couples getting divorces right and left…the list goes on… there is something WRONG and it’s scary. And it made us stumble. We thought that was what Christianity was… Just a.. oh I’ve got God.. I’m good. I can get away with that… He will forgive me. And that thinking almost killed us deep inside.
AND THEN… we were introduced to Mars Hill Church… and Mark Driscoll… and I.can’t.get.enough. Hearing the word of God in truth.. the truth that we can’t get away with continuing to sin.. that if we are truly worshiping and loving God, we won’t want to! That wives NEED to please their husbands, that our place IS in submission to him, that I am not in control. All lessons that had been preached to me, but that I didn’t see being lived out in our churches. So I didn’t really BELIEVE them. That our children NEED to be in church with us (Calvary Chapels are against children sitting in with parents, they might be a distraction) if they cause a distraction in Mars Hill Church, then thank God that means they are alive. It’s changed my entire concept of who I am …what our marriage is… who my husband is… who our family is… and even more… Who God Is.
It was me searching for more about Mark Driscoll that caused me to run across the blog with his comment about how wives shouldn’t let themselves go just because they are married… and seeing the flak he got for it… that comment planted another seed.. a desire to discover if I could change my marriage by grabbing back a hold of myself. I had let myself go. No one else could be blamed but ME… This week long challenge is what is coming from that seed.
We made the decision to move back to the Valley… no matter what it took. There is Fellowship there that we need. Friends that support in truth, and love. Pastors that speak Biblically. We just need a time of rest and learning, growing and fellowship. So Hubs went to stay with his friend to look for a job and a house. Not only is he going to teachings and being taught by his friend, who sends me all the teaching to watch online so I can follow along…his new boss attends the same church. I feel that God is leading my husband down a new path… the right path. And I pray that God will use all that we have been through together to our good someday.
The Bible means what it says… it IS possible for a women to build up her house, and it IS possible for her to tear it down with her own foolish hands.
I want to be the woman that builds my house… even if it means taking the first step that I think I shouldn’t have to take.. because when it’s comes down to it.. WHY SHOULDN’T I? Who better then I to look to the well being of my household? Hmm… heard that before somewhere…
I know God started me on this journey of learning to be what He made me to be. That He has started Hubs and I down this road to learning who HE really is…and what are family should really be… and I can’t wait to see where it’s going to take us.
Today’s Challenge: What are ways you unintentionally, unknowingly, OR knowingly tear down your house? Pray through those today… seek God’s wisdom on how to build up your house… which starts with your marriage. Don’t wait for someone else to do it first… or take the first step… then it may be too late!